


Tripping on Skies, Sipping Waterfalls

by everywinter



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Slow Burn, past Park Jaehyung | Jae/Yoon Dowoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-21 22:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16585847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everywinter/pseuds/everywinter
Summary: With first love, comes first heartbreak. When Jae breaks up with Dowoon, he has his heart completely crushed. They say time heals all wounds, and he hopes that it proves to be true.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Troye Sivan - Youth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYAghEq5Lfw)

Jae’s been trying to break up with him for a week, Dowoon just knows it. He always gets this look in his eye when the two of them are alone, but when he opens his mouth, Dowoon pulls him to get ice cream, or leans in and kisses him until they’re so wrapped up in each other that Jae just puts it off until later. Jae leaves for college tomorrow and he doesn’t want Dowoon to wait for him.

 

“Don’t date someone three years younger than you.” He’d said to Bernard as he ran his fingers through Dowoon’s hair. He’d fallen asleep during the movie, but woken up again when Jae’d started up the conversation with his cousin.

 

“Why don’t you just try long distance?” Bernard had whispered. “I’ve seen the way Dowoon looks at you, he’d do anything to keep you.”

 

“Yeah,” Jae agreed, “but that’s not fair to anyone. I wouldn’t get to experience college the way I wanted, and he’d be stuck considering me for the rest of his high school experience.”

 

He’d wanted to pop up and shake Jae, scream at him that he didn’t care about any of that, that he loved him and they were meant to be together, but Dowoon kept his head down. Pretended to sleep until Jae leaned over and gently woke him with a kiss.

 

They’re sitting side by side in Dowoon’s treehouse, pressed close together against the early fall chill seeping in through the blankets. Jae turns to look at him and Dowoon feels his heart leap in his chest.

 

“Dowoon,” He watches the way Jae’s lips move around his name. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Four years is a long time,” Jae says, “and it’ll be even longer if you don’t end up coming to the same school. Or if I move somewhere else for work.”

 

“I know.” Dowoon looks down at Jae’s sneakers, the back flat from where he refuses to put them on properly. “I heard you talking to Bernard last month. I’ve known for a while.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I don’t want to break up.” His eyes sting, but Dowoon refuses to cry. “Lots of people have successful long-distance relationships.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t think that’ll be us.” Jae’s stiff beside him, voice quiet but strained. “Dowoon, I’m sorry-”

 

“Don’t say that!” Jae flinches back at his outburst, Dowoon doesn’t tend to shout. “Don’t say that you’re sorry when you’re the one who’s choosing to end this!”

 

“What do you want me to do then?” Jae says, voice rising. “You know pretty much no one stays together past high school anyway, Dowoon! I just can’t do it! I can’t be that guy who’s waiting for his boyfriend to grow up enough to bring him out to parties with his friends!”

 

“So it’s about my age?” He can see his reflection in Jae’s glasses and the helplessness in his own expression just makes Dowoon even angrier. “You’re embarrassed of me because I’m younger than you?”

 

“That’s not what I said-”

 

“That’s exactly what you said-”

 

“Stop interrupting me!” Tears are streaming down Jae’s face, fogging up his glasses. “Stop putting words into my mouth!”

 

They must look ridiculous, two gangly teenagers in a treehouse, fists clenched and screaming at each other. He still feels so angry, so hurt that Jae doesn’t even want to try, but Dowoon knows he can’t make Jae stay with him if he doesn’t want to. He takes a deep breath in and out through his nose, wipes Jae’s face with the sleeve of his hoodie.

 

“Come meet me here tonight.” He says quietly, “Just one last night.”

 

“Dowoon…”

 

“Please, Jae.” Dowoon leans in and kisses him, long and slow. His lips feel chapped from the cold and Dowoon can feel Jae’s tears against his face. They pull back and Jae still looks like he wants to say no, so Dowoon leans in, whispers in his ear, “Dowoon.”

 

Jae bites his lip. “I never should have let you watch Call Me By Your Name.”

 

“You didn’t let me do anything.” Dowoon can’t help saying, “If you hadn’t bought the ticket for me, I would have asked someone else.”

 

Jae’s quiet, blinks rapidly, before leaning in and whispering back. “Jaehyung.”

 

Something a little like hope blooms in Dowoon’s chest. One more night to convince Jae that what they have is worth fighting for. “So you’ll come?”

 

“I’ll come.”

 

Dowoon spends the rest of the night anxiously planning what he’s going to say to Jae. He makes out list after list of reasons why they should stay together. How he promises he won’t be jealous or upset if Jae goes to parties and meets new friends. How he’s mature for his age, how he swears he won’t embarrass him when Jae brings him to meet his friends. _If_ he brings him to meet his friends. Dowoon even considers telling Jae he can do whatever he wants as long as he doesn’t have to hear about it and he doesn’t break up with him.

 

Dowoon pulls his comforter and pillows into the treehouse after his parents have fallen asleep and waits in the dark for Jae to come. Hopefully, the words will just come to him when they see each other. If nothing else, at least they’ll have something happy, rather than their last memory as a couple being of them fighting. Dowoon’s hands are freezing, so he sticks them under the blanket, refuses to drink the thermos of hot chocolate he brought before Jae shows up. The moonlight’s streaming in through the window and he can hear the sound of cars passing by on the main road, but no Jae scrambling up the ladder. He leans his head against the wall of the treehouse, and waits. His eyes feel heavy, so Dowoon closes them, lets sleep overtake him. Jae will wake him when he comes.

 

Dowoon wakes up to sunlight streaming into the treehouse and his mother yelling at him from the ground.

 

“Dowoon! Dowoon Yoon!” He blinks blearily down at her, tries not to cry. “What are you doing up there? Why do you have your blanket with you? Did you sleep up there?”

 

“Mom,” He blinks rapidly and wipes away the tears with his sleeve. Jae didn’t come. “what time is it?”

 

“10:30.” She blinks back up at him, confused. “Honey, what’s wrong.”

 

Dowoon can hear his heart pounding in his ears, scrambles down the ladder as quickly as he can, ignoring his mom’s pleas to “Be careful!”

 

“Is Jae gone yet?”

 

“I don’t know,” She looks worried and puts a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. “are you feeling okay?”

 

“I have to go.” His own voice sounds a million miles away, and his feet are moving before he finishes talking. “I’ll be right back, I have to go.”

 

Dowoon runs the block and a half to Jae’s house, heart pounding the entire time. When he turns the corner, Jae’s car isn’t there, but he runs up to the door anyway, rings the bell, and stands waiting, heart in his throat.

 

Jae’s mom opens the door. “Dowoon? What are you doing here, didn’t Jae go to see you before he left?”

 

He wrinkles his nose and clenches his jaw against the sting of tears. “I’m sorry Mrs. Park, I think I just got confused.”

 

She looks equally so, taking in his disheveled hair and red eyes. “Dowoon, where are your shoes?”

 

He looks down and realizes he’s still in his socks.

 

“Oh,” He says blandly, “I guess I forgot them. Sorry for bothering you.”

 

She calls after him as he walks back down the street, but Dowoon doesn’t turn back. When he gets home, his mother’s waiting for him in the living room.

 

“Dowoon,” She breathes a sigh of relief. “what happened? Are you okay?”

 

“He’s gone.” He drops down onto the opposite end of the couch. “He just left without saying goodbye.”

 

“I’m sorry, honey.”

 

He can’t stop the words or the tears. “Why would he do that? He told me he’d come find me in the treehouse. He promised me.”

 

Arms wrap around him and Dowoon lets his mother hold him like a child as he cries.

 

* * *

 

 

There’s another week before school starts up again and Dowoon spends most of it in his room. Wonpil comes over in the middle of the week and they get into his car and just drive. Some indie singer-songwriter Dowoon doesn’t know plays over the stereo and the two of them just sit in silence until Wonpil passes the city limits.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

Wonpil shrugs. “Dunno. Where do you wanna go?”

 

Dowoon thinks for a couple seconds. “The beach.”

 

“The beach it is.”

 

By the time they see the water, the sun’s already high in the air and Dowoon’s stomach won’t stop growling. He regrets skipping breakfast. It’s too cold to swim, and neither of them brought their trunks, so Dowoon and Wonpil just sit on the cold sand together, shoes and socks sitting in the car. The salt-spray turns Wonpil’s hair curly and Dowoon hugs his knees to his chest as he watches the waves crash onto the shore.

 

“I want to hate him so badly.” Wonpil tilts his head to the side in question. “Jae. I want to hate him, but I can’t.”

 

Dowoon takes a deep, shuddering breath in. “He hasn’t tried to contact me once, but he also hasn’t deleted me off social media, so I at least know he made it to school safely. I know I should delete his number, unfollow him on things, but I just can’t. Every time I open up his contact information, I just end up staring at it for an hour, or reading through all our old conversations. I know it isn’t healthy, but I can’t help myself.”

 

They sit in silence. Dowoon digs his toes into the sand and watches the seagulls circling overhead. Wonpil shuffles closer until they’re pressed hip to hip. “You don’t have to be okay.” He tilts his head down to look him in the eye, makes a stupid face, and Dowoon can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes him. He shoves Wonpil, and the other boy shoves him back. “I don’t know what to do either, but I’ve heard time makes it easier. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

 

Wonpil stretches his skinny legs out in front of him, reaches forward to touch his toes with a groan. “In the meantime, we really need to get lunch. Those seagulls are starting to look tasty, I’m so hungry.”

 

* * *

 

 

It doesn’t really get easier.

 

He spends a lot of time alone, but it’s sort of nice. He plays his drums, teaches Tory new tricks, and spends so much more time studying he goes from a solid B minus student to his lowest grade being an A minus in history. Of course his parents are thrilled that their son has suddenly become so studious, but he can see in their eyes that they’re concerned Dowoon has become too isolated.

 

Thank God for Wonpil. He barges into Dowoon’s room, unannounced, whenever he feels like it and drags him out to the mall, the movies, and even impromptu hiking trips. His best friend straddles the line between being obtrusive and thoughtful, and Wonpil’s exactly what Dowoon needs. Wonpil’s social, likeable, in ways that Dowoon isn’t and he doesn’t mind bringing him along to hang out with his other friends, who are equally as friendly.

 

The school year still mostly passes in a blur, and before Dowoon knows it, it’s summer and Jae’s set to come home. It makes him nervous, because summer means months where Dowoon can either quarantine himself in his room, or run the risk of seeing Jae out and about. It’s been almost a year, and Dowoon knows he should be over it by now, but he’s not ready to face him yet. He still hasn’t been able to delete the pictures of the two of them from off his phone, Jae’s badminton hoodie is still hiding somewhere in his closet, and he’s admitted all of this to Wonpil.

 

“Here.” Wonpil slaps a pamphlet onto Dowoon’s desk. “Sign up tonight. I’ve already put in a request for the two of us to be on a team together.”

 

The pamphlet is for an overnight camp, approximately two hours away, asking for volunteers counselors to help take care of children ages 8-12. Volunteers are required to come to the camp four days after their last day of school and runs until the week before school starts again.

 

“My parents are okay with it, and I’m pretty sure yours will be too. We get weekends off, so we can either stay at the camp, or I can drive us back to town if you want to come home. It’s only two hours away.” Wonpil adds, “There’s a small honorarium at the end too.”

 

Dowoon looks back up from the pamphlet. “I could kiss you right now.”

 

Wonpil wrinkles his nose. “Gross.”

 

The camp’s beautiful. There’s a handful of cabins, assigned two counselors each, and a huge lodge right in the middle where the dining hall, main desk, gymnasium, and front desk are located. A lake’s only a five minute walk away and everything about it is like something out of a dream.

 

They’re sitting in the main lodge with the rest of the volunteers when Wonpil grabs Dowoon by the shoulder and squeezes hard enough for him to wince. “Pil, ouch!”

 

“Sorry!” He squeaks, “Subtly turn to your left, because I’m pretty sure the most beautiful human being to walk the face of the earth just came into the room.”

 

He sighs through his nose, but does as Wonpil says. “Which one?”

 

“The beautiful one!”

 

Dowoon doesn’t say so, but both the boys to walk in are pretty good looking. There’s one with a stronger jawline and one who’s ears stick out a little, so he takes a wild stab as to which one his best friend’s hyperventilating about. “The one with the ears?”

 

“He’s so cute.” Wonpil breathes, “He’s like a prince.”

 

He cringes and pats Wonpil on the hand before turning his attention back to the camp director. Wonpil falls in love the same way he makes friends; quickly and frequently. By the end of the week, Wonpil and Jinyoung have officially become a couple, which means Wonpil sneaks out after lights out with Jinyoung. He still spends a lot of time with Dowoon though, they’re in charge of the same cabin, and he doesn’t miss Wonpil’s presence at night because Dowoon’s usually so tired he’s asleep before his head hits the pillow.

 

“Jinyoung has a friend.” Wonpil says to him when the kids are making friendship bracelets one day. “Jaebum looks a little scary, but he’s actually a really good guy.”

 

“I’m not really interested.”

 

“Just get to know him.” Wonpil says, a whine creeping into his voice. “We could go on double dates; it could be so much fun!”

 

“Wonpil stop!” His raised voice draws the attention of a couple of the kids and Dowoon smiles at them, waits until they turn their attention back to their craft. “I’m not ready.” He adds more quietly.

 

Wonpil grabs his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry I pushed.”

 

Dowoon squeezes back and Wonpil never brings it up again.

 

Summer ends with Wonpil and Jinyoung amicably breaking up and Dowoon awkwardly waiting in the car while they have one last “conversation” behind the shed where they store the canoes. Wonpil crawls back into the car with messy hair and red lips and gives Dowoon a giant grin. “Ready to go?”

 

“You’re unbelievable, I’ve been ready for 20 minutes!”

 

“Sorry, Dowoonie,” Wonpil says, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the highway. “it’s the end of young summer love, we thought we’d go out with a bang.”

 

Dowoon cringes. “Okay, that’s too much information.”

 

“Not like that!”

 

“So you’re not going to try and make it work then?” Dowoon asks, “With Jinyoung, I mean. I thought you guys liked each other.”

 

“We do, but we both knew it wasn’t exactly true love. It was fun while it lasted, but we didn’t have that spark, you know?” Wonpil shrugs. “Makes it easier to stay friends after. No hard feelings.”

 

He nods slowly. “As long as you’re okay.”

 

Wonpil shoots Dowoon a wide grin. “I’m okay. It’s a little disappointing, but I feel like Jinyoung’s going to be a good friend.”

 

Dowoon can’t help feeling a little envious.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s at the supermarket grabbing groceries with his sister the first time Dowoon sees Jae again. It takes Dowoon a couple seconds to recognize him, he’s bleached his hair a sunny blond, and he startles so badly he almost crushes the loaf of bread in his hands. Jae’s face is thinner and he’s changed his glasses to a round, gold-rimmed pair. Dowoon wonders if he’s lost weight, or if age has just sharpened his features, but when Jae throws back his head to laugh, he looks just like the boy Dowoon fell in love with.

 

He turns away before Jae can notice him. “Noona, I have to leave.”

 

Dowoon must look as sick as he feels, because his sister puts her hand to his forehead. “What’s wrong? Do we need to pick up medicine?”

 

“No,” he shakes his head, “I really need to go home. I’ll just walk home.”

 

Jae laughs loudly enough behind him that it draws his sister’s attention and he can see her make the connection. “Go wait for me in the car.” She puts the keys into his hands and gives them a firm squeeze. “I’ll be out in 10, remember to turn the heat on okay?”

 

He nods, pulls up the hood of his jacket, and all but sprints out of the store.

 

* * *

 

 

Jae technically wasn’t his first boyfriend, he and Wonpil had ‘dated’ for all of two weeks when they were 10, but he was Dowoon’s first everything else. He remembers the first time they held hands (in Jae’s basement, watching Iron Man), the first real date they went on (a trip to the local arcade where Jae paid for everything and even walked Dowoon to the front door after driving him home), and the first time they kissed (after Jae drove him home after school one day). Jae was there the first time Dowoon drove a car after getting his junior permit. Jae was there when Dowoon brought all his pets home. Jae was there when he failed his math midterm and was convinced his mother was going to strangle him with her bare hands.

 

He unfollows Jae on all his social media and Wonpil deletes all of their old conversations for him, but they were friends before they started dating. Dowoon can’t help missing him sometimes. It’s like the hole from a tooth he can’t stop poking with his tongue.

 

So the two of them sign up for the camp again and the second they pull into the parking lot, a weight lifts from Dowoon. He doesn’t have any memories of Jae here and it’s always so busy that he doesn’t have the time to overthink.

 

“Pillie! Dowoon!” He turns just in time to see Wonpil and Jinyoung fall into an affectionate, back-slapping hug. Dowoon lets Jinyoung pull him into a hug of his own. “Woah, did you get taller?”

 

Dowoon shrugs. “Probably. I had to buy a whole bunch of new summer clothes.”

 

“What about me?” Wonpil demands, “I grew an entire inch since I last saw you!”

 

Jinyoung eyes him critically. “I’ll save my judgement for when I see you with the shoes off.”

 

Wonpil’s squawk of indignation is drowned out by Jaebum’s arrival. He comes with two other boys around his age that Dowoon doesn’t recognize. He temporarily dubs them Fox Face and Big Nose.

 

“Jinyoung, I can’t believe you just left me like that! You almost killed me when you let go of your end of the table!”

 

Jinyoung brushes away his concerns. “You’re fine, I knew Brian was going to catch it for you.”

 

“He didn’t!” Jaebum says, raising his left foot as high as he could and wiggling it in Jinyoung’s direction. “I couldn’t keep it upright and almost broke my toe!”

 

“Sorry, sorry! I just got excited when I saw Wonpil and Dowoon.”

 

Jaebum’s expression brightens and he turns to pull Dowoon into a half-hug. “It’s good to see you again, buddy. Glad we didn’t manage to scare you off last year.”

 

Dowoon grins back at him. “It’s good to see you too.”

 

“Why does everyone love Dowoon more than me?” Wonpil pouts.

 

“Well, he’s way less annoying than you are for one.” Wonpil looks like Jinyoung’s shot him.

 

“How dare you.” Big Nose snorts at the look on Wonpil’s face and he immediately turns his attention to him instead. “You! You’re not allowed to laugh at me, I don’t even know you!”

 

Big Nose holds out an equally big hand for Wonpil to shake. “Sungjin, and this is Brian.” He indicates Fox Face. “We’re new.”

 

“Obviously,” Wonpil’s voice is dry, but he shakes Sungjin’s hand anyway. “I know everyone here and I definitely would have remembered you.”

 

 _Oh no._ Dowoon resists the urge to throw his hands to the heavens. They’ve been best friends since they were nine, but Dowoon will never be able to understand how Wonpil manages to zoom in on someone and know “I want that one”. He’d only felt that way with Jae and, well, that didn’t exactly turn out well.

 

Fox Face, Brian, lets out a soft sigh through his nose. When he sees Dowoon watching him, a wide grin spreads over his face, puffs up his cheeks. “I’m Brian,” His hands are rough and broad when they shake. “are you a returning camper too?”

 

“Dowoon,” He nods, pulls his hand back. The contact makes him feel oddly uncomfortable. “it’s only my second year though.”

 

“So, if I have any questions, I can ask you?” Brian’s eyes crinkle with his grin and he leans in a little too close. “Honestly, I’m terrified with the idea of accidentally losing a kid.”

 

“You’re better off asking one of the more experienced campers,” Dowoon insists, taking a step back. “Jaebum and Jinyoung have been doing this for years. Or Nickhun! He’s been here even longer.”

 

Brian’s lower lip juts out a little. “What if I want to ask you?”

 

He bites back the sharp _Don’t._ on the tip of his tongue. “I wouldn’t recommend it. I’m still feeling my way around.”

 

He sees Jackson and Mark walking over to the shed where they keep the canoes and quickly excuses himself, mumbling about how he really should go help with set up.

 

Dowoon spends the rest of the day diligently avoiding Brian. Wonpil instantly catches onto his discomfort and tries his best to stick with him, making sure that there’s no opportunity for the two of them to be alone. But Sungjin follows Wonpil, and Brian follows him, so it ends up being a sort of vicious cycle where Dowoon just can’t seem to get away.

 

When the kids show up the next day, Dowoon expects that it’ll be easier, but their cabins are right next to each other. Brian keeps making excuses to bring their kids together. There’s no avoiding Brian, so he tries his best to ignore him. He’s never rude, but it’s pretty clear that he’s not interested in forming anything like a friendship.

 

“Hey, Dowoon!”

 

He closes his eyes and counts to three before turning around and greeting Brian with a small wave. “Morning.”

 

Week three of Dowoon’s frosty treatment and it hasn’t dimmed Brian’s enthusiasm at all. “Wonpil taking the kids for breakfast today?”

 

 _Obviously._ “Yeah,” He says slowly, “Sungjin has yours?”

 

“Yep.” Brian pops the syllable and Dowoon tries not to wince. “He actually offered to take the kids this morning.” He leans in towards Dowoon like he’s telling a secret. “Pretty sure he’s got a giant crush on your friend.”

 

“Oh,” Dowoon tries to lean away in a way that won’t be rude. “that’s interesting.”

 

“How’s Wonpil feel about my boy?” Brian gets out of his personal bubble, but keeps pace with his increasingly quick steps. “Should I tell him to give it up, or keep going?”

 

Dowoon bites his lip. “I don’t know, I don’t want to say anything if Wonpil hasn’t.”

 

Brian nods. “I can respect that. Put in a good word for Sungjin though, he’s a really good guy.” His eyes narrow with is grin and he looks more like a sly fox than ever. “You know, maybe we could double date-”

 

“Brian Kang!” Bambam’s standing across the way with his hands on his hips, looking furious. “You were supposed to help me take all the canoes out of storage this morning!”

 

He winces, bids Dowoon a quick goodbye, and peels off towards Bambam.

 

Brian’s an incredibly social person, he’d already taken some of the younger counselors under his wing despite the fact that it’s his first year too. But he keeps coming back to bother Dowoon, even with the lukewarm reactions that he gives him. He’s nurturing and endlessly enthusiastic, although Dowoon has caught him napping in some pretty weird places, and it makes him rather exhausting to be around.

 

That night, he and Wonpil are sitting in front of their cabin, children sleeping (or at least quiet) inside, and the two of them wrapped up in their sleeping bags like little caterpillars in their cocoons. Wonpil’s shoving the last of their discount Halloween candy into his mouth while Dowoon squints up at the sky.

 

“I still can’t find anything but Orion’s belt.” He sighs, tossing the star map onto the ground beside them and curling up closer to Wonpil instead. “We’re going to have to pair up with Jaebum and Jinyoung’s group, or our kids are gonna be in for a really disappointing time.”

 

Wonpil shifts him into a more comfortable position. “I’m sure they won’t mind. You know most of them just want the chance to run around in the dead of night anyway.”

 

The silence wraps around them like a blanket and Wonpil snuggles closer into Dowoon’s hair. They spent a lot of time together during the school year, but it wasn’t the same. There’s something special about the two of them being together in the quiet, completely alone.

 

“I think I like him.” Wonpil says, and he doesn’t have to tell Dowoon who it is he’s talking about. “It’s only been a couple weeks, but I feel like we really click.”

 

Dowoon smiles into the dark. “I think he’s good for you. He’s always a nice guy, but he’s different with you.”

 

And it’s true. Sungjin’s always kind, but with Wonpil he’s easier. He laughs louder, goofs around more. Brian had choked on his juice a couple days ago when Sungjin had pouted at some joke Wonpil made at his expense.

 

“Do you think so?”

 

Dowoon wants to laugh at the how hopeful he sounds, but there’s also a level of vulnerability to his question.

 

“I know so,” He says, holding onto Wonpil through their sleeping bags. “Brian told me this morning that he was ass over ankles for you.”

 

Wonpil hides his smile in Dowoon’s hair. “Oh.”

 

“Are you actually surprised though? You’re easy to love.” Dowoon sighs through his nose. “I wish I were more like you.”

 

Dowoon’s friendly, but he doesn’t make friends easily. It’s always been hard for him to get comfortable enough to open up, and the whole Jae situation has made it even more difficult. Jae had been the same way, effortlessly picking up friends wherever he went. He sees the way Wonpil gives himself away so easily, so fearlessly, and it makes something cold creep into his chest.

 

“What, no!” Wonpil gets Dowoon to look up at him. “You have the type of energy that draws everyone in. People can’t help but want to be close to you. Even Sungjin “I don’t shake hands” Park hugs you. I wish you were more confidant in yourself, Dowoonie, because you have so much to offer.”

 

He sits up straight and makes Dowoon look him in the eye. “I love you, Dowoon Yoon. You’re my best friend in the entire world, and I’m not leaving you.”

 

His scrunches up his nose at the tears that rush to his eyes. “That’s gay.”

 

Wonpil’s eyes are a little wet too. “You’re gay.”

 

“We’re gay.” Dowoon says, smothering his laughter. “Thanks, Pil.”

 

Wonpil wraps himself around Dowoon again. “Anytime.”

 

This summer goes much the same as the last one did, with Dowoon getting tanner and tanner as the days go by and Wonpil slowly beginning to sneak over to the neighbouring cabin at night as he and Sungjin became closer and closer. Dowoon rolls his eyes and waves his friend away with a grin. Wonpil comes back to the cabin after an hour or two and rather than lips bitten red and messy hair, he comes back with a soft look in his eye and a genuine peace that makes Dowoon smile too.

 

“He said he wants to take it slow.” Wonpil gushes, pressed against Dowoon in his bunk. “He’s more experienced than I am and I think he wants to give me the chance to back out.”

 

“But you’re not gonna are you?”

 

Wonpil’s grin is bright in the moonlight. “You know me well enough that I don’t think I actually need to answer that.”

 

Dowoon smiles back. Wonpil’s joy is contagious and he feels like he’s going to explode with it all. “Go to sleep, it’s your turn to take the kids to breakfast tomorrow.”

 

It’s all over in a flash. Everyone else is off with their friends who they won’t see again for another year, and Dowoon’s huddled next to the main fire pit alone. Wonpil and Sungjin had disappeared into the woods together earlier, hand in hand, and watching them sneak off had made him think of Jae. Maybe it’s just that he was his first real love, first heartbreak, but it still stings on occasion.

 

“You’re looking a little down.” He jumps at the sound of Brian’s voice and tries not to audibly sigh when he sits down next to him. “Everything okay?”

 

“I’m fine.” Brian stares at him and Dowoon caves. “It’s just the end of summer, you know? Brings back memories.”

 

He makes an understanding sort of noise and, to Dowoon’s surprise, doesn’t press any further. They just sit next to each other, the twigs snapping in the fire the only thing breaking the silence, while Dowoon picks at the holes in his old swim team hoodie.

 

“My first boyfriend dumped me around this time two years ago.”

 

Dowoon feels like he’s having an out of body experience. The whole story comes spilling out of him and Brian just listens, head pillowed on his knees as he listens without interrupting. By the end of it, Dowoon’s nose is running, but he hasn’t cried.

 

“Are you still in love with him?” Brian’s face is curious, but carefully polite.

 

“No,” Dowoon answers, and he’s relieved that it doesn’t come out a lie. “but he was my first love and I suspect that he’ll always be a little of a sore spot.”

 

The campfire casts flickering, harsh shadows onto Brian’s face. There’s ash flying through the air and something distinctly dreamy about the situation. “Can I have your number?”

 

“Must you cheapen the moment?”

 

“I won’t pretend I’m not interested in you, and I know that you don’t feel the same way, but I want to stay in contact with you.” Brian looks like he wants to reach out and touch him, but pulls his hand back at the last second. “No expectations, I was hoping we could at least be friends.”

 

Brian pulls his phone out of his pocket. When Dowoon takes it, it’s warm from his body heat and Brian gets a giant smile on his face when he takes it back. He’s careful to make sure their fingers don’t touch. He holds the phone like it’s something precious and Dowoon feels his own phone vibrate in his pocket. Brian’s sent him a selfie taken a couple days before. He’s wearing a cap and winking at the camera, hands held in a peace sign.

 

“So you can have a contact picture.” Brian says, holding up his phone again. “Let me take one of you.”

 

“Don’t push it.”

 

Brian throws his head back in laughter and Dowoon finds himself laughing along too.

 

Wonpil and Sungjin are saying goodbye the next day beside the car. Sungjin’s holding both of Wonpil’s hands and there’s at least half a foot of space between them, but there’s an intimacy to their actions that makes Dowoon feel like he’s intruding. He turns away, tries to find something else to focus on, and sees Brian standing next to Sungjin’s car halfway across the lot. He’s wearing the same black cap as in the selfie, and when he sees Dowoon staring he waves, holds up his cellphone.

 

“Picture?” He mouths.

 

Dowoon sighs and nods. He schools his expression into something serious and sticks out his tongue. He can see Brian laughing as he zooms in on his phone, and after a couple seconds he nods at Dowoon, still chuckling as he presumably sets it as his contact photo.

 

“Dowoonie, you ready?” The two of them have separated and Wonpil’s looking at him quizzically.

 

“Yeah, I’m ready.” He clears his throat, brushing his hair out of his face. “I’ll see you later, Sungjin.”

 

“Hopefully sooner than later.” Sungjin reaches out to squeeze Wonpil’s shoulder again. “Take care of yourself.”

 

Much to his surprise, Wonpil blushes a little. “You too.”

 

“Wow,” He hums, “the unflappable Wonpil Kim. Blushing.”

 

“Shut the hell up.” Wonpil says, still staring after his boyfriend. “He’s so fucking perfect.”

 

He watches Sungjin walk back over to his car and Brian catches his eye again. He holds his hands up and moves his thumbs in an unmistakable motion. _Text me._ He nods, gives him a little smile, and even waves.

 

When they climb into the car, Wonpil gives him a distinctly predatory look. Dowoon gulps and gives him a weak smile.

 

“Oh, no you don’t,” The car doors lock with an ominous click. “we’ve got a two hour car ride and nowhere to go. You’re going to tell me everything.”

 

“Oh god.”

 

“Don’t call for god,” Wonpil says, pulling out of the parking lot. “he can’t help you now.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Brian:**   What colour should I use for my history notebook?

 

 **Dowoon:** Really? We haven’t spoken in a week and the very first text you send me is to ask which colour notebook to use?

 

 **Brian:**   Yeah. Problem?

 **Brian:** What colour are you using? We can match.

 

 **Dowoon:** Red.

 

 **Brian:** Because it’s seeped in blood and destruction? A good choice!

 

 **Dowoon:** Because it’s the first one I pulled out of my backpack

 

“Who’s that?” Wonpil grins when he stuffs his phone into his backpack like he’s hiding something dirty. “Anybody I know?”

 

“My mom.” Dowoon lies.

 

“Right,” Wonpil says, sitting down in the desk next to him. “I didn’t know she’d recently changed her name to ‘Brian Kang’ but I don’t think it suits her very well.”

 

Dowoon scowls. “I don’t even know why you bothered to ask if you already heard the answer from Sungjin.”

 

“Because I wanna hear it from you,” Wonpil wines, “it’s not the same if I don’t get it from the source. As your best friend, it is my right to hear the juiciest bits straight from you.”

 

“There’s nothing juicy to tell.” He insists, “This is literally the first time he’s texted me since we left camp.”

 

“Sungjin says he just looks at your picture and sighs sometimes.”

 

“That’s…”

 

“Cute? Romantic?” Wonpil flutters his eyelashes.

 

“Fucking creepy.” Dowoon says, “Honestly, I don’t get why he’s so persistent.”

 

“Because he likes you.” He sounds like he’s talking to a child and Dowoon rolls his eyes. “Come on, you know it’s true. Brian’s a good guy.”

 

“You’re never going to give up on this whole double dating thing, are you?” He demands, “God damn, man, just let it go.”

 

“Whatever the case, I’m glad you guys are friends now.”

 

Dowoon scrunches up his nose. “We’re not friends. He just doesn’t know when to give up.”

 

“Right, and you’re just being polite.”

 

“I am! Being friendly is just easier than constantly trying to doge him.” Dowoon shoves him playfully. “Besides, now that you and Sungjin are together, I suspect I won’t be able to avoid spending some time with him.”

 

“They’re five whole hours away,” Wonpil laments, “even if we do see them, it won’t be often or soon.”

 

“Sorry, man, I know it’s tough.”

 

Wonpil shrugs. “It’s alright, I’m lucky he was willing to try.”

 

He winces and Wonpil immediately covers his mouth in horror. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

 

“It’s okay.” Dowoon laughs, and he finds that he means it. “It happened, I can’t change that, but it doesn’t hurt the same way anymore.”

 

“Good.” He gave Dowoon’s shoulder a squeeze. “You know I just want you to be happy.”

 

“Thanks, mom.”

 

“I’d never have given birth to a creature like you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Texting Brian is a little bit of an experience. Wonpil has always been a pretty frequent texter, flooding their chat with memes and stickers, but Brian always seemed to want to talk. If he sent Dowoon a song suggestion, he’d want to hear his detailed analysis on what he did or didn't like about it. Brian sends him pictures of little things throughout the day with captions like “made me think of you” or “thought you’d like this”.

 

Dowoon starts sending things back. It begins with a picture of Wonpil staring longingly at his cellphone with the caption saying something like “Kids and their technology”. Brian sends back a picture of Sungjin with a similar look on his face, immediately followed by one where Sungjin’s staring at the camera with a deep frown on his face.

 

 **Brian:**  Oh shit.

 **Brian:**   Pray for me.

 

 **Dowoon:** It was nice knowing you.

 

 **Brian:**  Really??

 

 **Dowoon:** Less so every time you ask me something like that.

 

 **Brian:** Lol

 **Brian:**   Seriously though, Sungjin’s been pining so hard, I’M starting to miss Wonpil a little.

 

 **Dowoon:**   I know.

 **Dowoon:** Why do you two have to live so far?

 

 **Brian:** Why do YOU two have to live so far?

 

 **Dowoon:** omg why are you so difficult?

 

 **Brian:** I’ve been told that it’s part of my charm.

 

 **Dowoon:** I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’re surrounded by liars.

 

 **Brian:** Rude!!

 

 **Dowoon:** Honest

 

 **Brian:** The two aren’t mutually exclusive

 **Brian:** Besides, that’s one of the things I like about you

 

 **Dowoon:** You like that I’m rude?

 

 **Brian:** I like that you’re honest.

 **Brian:**   It’s never a game with you, I know exactly where I stand

 

 **Dowoon:**   And where do you think that is?

 

 **Brian:**   You can’t help but like me

 

 **Dowoon:**   Maybe I’m just being polite

 

 **Brian:**   You’ve gone to the effort of actually making memes to send me before. That’s not something you do out of politeness

 

 **Dowoon:**   That’s how you gauge affection? Meme effort?

 

 **Brian:**   Why do you think I send you so many?

 

It progresses to the point where Brian’s often the first person he talks to in the morning and the last person he talks to before he goes to sleep at night. Wonpil, obviously, notices but he shows an unprecedented amount of self-restraint in that he doesn’t say much about it except to comment about how he and Brian seem to have grown quite close one day.

 

Dowoon instinctively opens his mouth to protest, but just shrugs instead. “I guess so.”

 

They start skyping when Brian’s midway through texting him a story about Sungjin and their wrestling coach and says, “Can I just call you? This is way too long to type out. Do you have Discord?” and the next thing Dowoon knows, it’s 1:00 a.m. in the morning and the conversation only ends because Brian passes out mid-sentence. Sometimes Brian and Sungjin, will meet and while he and Wonpil, do the same and all four of them will game online, or sync their laptop screens and watch movies together.

 

When it’s time to sign off, Wonpil stares at Sungjin so intently through the screen that Dowoon knows he’d crawl through to him if he could, and it makes his heart ache a little too. During one such instance, Dowoon tries his best to look away, give the two of them what privacy he can, when he notices that Brian’s watching him. They catch each other’s eye and there’s something so familiar in his gaze that it makes Dowoon’s heart race. Brian smiles and he just finds himself naturally smiling back, the way he always does. The moment passes without further comment.

 

They feel like friends now, real friends. The type of friends who play games online together, or spend comfortable silences together just so they don’t have to be alone when they’re doing their homework. Which is why Dowoon gets so worried when Brian all of a sudden doesn’t text him for two days straight. He responds to Dowoon’s ritual “good morning” and “good night”, but other than replying with straight forward answers, and maybe an emoji or two, to his little anecdotes, Brian doesn’t say much at all. He agonizes over what to do, hopes and prays that it wasn’t something that he said.

 

 **Dowoon:**   Hey man

 **Dowoon:**   I really hope I’m not overstepping or bothering you, but I really wanted to make sure you were okay

 **Dowoon:**   You’ve just sounded really off these past couple of days

 **Dowoon:**   And we don’t have to talk about it and my bad if there’s nothing wrong and I’m just overthinking things but I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright

 

Dowoon lies down on his bed with his phone on his stomach, tries not to panic as he waits for a response, and watches the shadows from his curtains play across the ceiling. He’s so frantic when his phone buzzes that he drops it under the bed and has to spend an agonizing 60 seconds trying to fish it out from between the wall.

 

 **Brian:**   Can you call?

 

 **Dowoon:** Yeah

 

His laptop’s already on and when the video call connects, Dowoon has to visibly stop himself from reacting. Brian looks… rough. There’s a big blanket draped around his shoulders and he looks pale and wane. Even through the grainy video feed, Dowoon can see the dark circles under his eyes

 

“Hey.” His voice comes out gentler than he intended and Brian’s shoulders slump a little.

 

“Hey.” Brian sounds the way he usually does when he’s just woken from a nap, but instead of being endearing, it just makes him seem even more tired. “Sorry I worried you.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Dowoon inches closer to the computer. “Are you feeling okay? What’s wrong?”

 

Brian picks at the corner of the pillow in his arms. He looks smaller than Dowoon’s ever seen him before and it makes him want to wrap him up in that blanket and show him dumb internet videos until he smiles again. “I haven’t been feeling very well.”

 

“Is it serious?” He isn’t sniffling or sneezing, so it isn’t a cold or anything like that. All the worst case scenarios race through Dowoon’s head. “Is it cancer?”

 

He immediately bursts into laughter. “Why do you always jump to the worst case scenarios?”

 

“I can’t help it, I worry!”

 

“It’s not cancer.” Brian still looks exhausted but the sparkle’s back in his eye. “Honestly, I was too depressed to even get out of bed the past couple days.”

 

“Oh,” That wasn’t really what he was expecting to hear. “I really hope I wasn’t bothering you.”

 

Brian shakes his head, leans his cheek against the pillow. “It just happens sometimes. I’m sorry I didn’t respond much to your texts, but I swear they helped.”

 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Dowoon asks slowly, “If it’s not too much of a bother, maybe next time you’re not feeling well, you can let me know and I can do my best to make you feel better.”

 

“Just you being here’s enough.” He can feel the heat creeping up the back of his neck. “I can feel it passing, but I wasn’t very much fun to be around the past couple of days and I didn’t want to spread my bad mood to you. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be sorry!” Dowoon insists, “We’re friends, aren’t we? I want to be here for you.”

 

He smiles a little. “My… therapist says it isn’t good to isolate myself.”

 

“They’re right.” Dowoon says, “You’ve got Sungjin, me, and even Wonpil. It’s really good that you’re talking to a professional, but I’m here if you ever want to talk to a friend.”

 

“Thanks, Dowoon.”

 

They hang up a couple minutes later, and it’s easily the shortest call they’ve ever had, but Dowoon feels better. That night, Brian texts him goodnight first and he sleeps better that night.

 

* * *

 

 

Brian’s less of a perpetual ray of sunshine now, but Dowoon finds that he likes him better this way. When he has a shit day, he’ll tell Dowoon about it, and rather than forcing himself to power through and be the happy, funny guy all the time. There’s a new sort of honesty, vulnerability between the two of them. Brian’s the person that he thinks to turn to whenever he has a problem now.

 

“You’ve been happier lately.” Wonpil says, staring at him from the other end of the couch. “Things going well with Brian?”

 

“Nothing’s going on with Brian.” He insists, shoving Wonpil with his toes. “We’re friends. Good friends.”

 

“That’s still something!” Wonpil shoves back. “You wouldn’t even admit to being friends before!”

 

“Oh my god, it really isn’t a big deal!” They’re full out kicking each other now. “I know you’re happy I’m not going to try and set him on fire with my brain the next time you inevitably drag me out with you and Sungjin, but it’s not that deep!”

 

Dowoon’s phone vibrates on the coffee table and the two of them freeze. Wonpil plays dirty, tosses the couch cushion in his arms at his face and grabs the phone before he can get to it.

 

“Oh, it’s Brian!” He croons, jumping off the couch and out of Dowoon’s reach. “He says, ‘made me think of you’ and there’s an accompanying picture message! Is it a nude?!”

 

“It’s not a nude, why would he be sending me a nude?” He tries his best to corner Wonpil, but he’s wily. “Just give me the phone back!”

 

“Is your password still the same?” Wonpil asks, while typing in the correct code. “You should really consider updating it more often. Aw, seriously?”

 

Dowoon snatches it back out of Wonpil’s hands. “Dude!”

 

“It’s literally a picture of the chip aisle.” He pouts, flopping back onto the couch. “That was totally not worth the effort.”

 

“Ugh,” Dowoon flops down next to him. “you can’t get upset with me about that, you’re the one who insisted on being nosy.”

 

“Like you wouldn’t have showed me anyway. I just wanted to make it more of a game.”

 

“Unbelievable.” Dowoon shoots off a quick reply before putting his phone into his pocket. “How are you and Sungjin?”

 

Wonpil immediately melts. “Good, we’re always good. He’s so sweet. He actually offered to drive all the way here over Christmas break, you know?”

 

“Woah,” Five hours through snow, sleet, and cold is a pretty big commitment. “so he’s coming?”

 

Wonpil shakes his head, smile a little sad. “I asked him not to. The highways are too dangerous for him to go by himself. I’d feel awful if anything happened to him.”

 

“Sorry, man.” Dowoon wraps his arm around his shoulders and gives him a firm squeeze. “At least we’re in the digital age now.”

 

“I think I’d die without texting and video calling.” Wonpil agreed, “It’s honestly hard enough as is. Remember when we had that fight last week? He actually called the cable company to complain because he couldn’t get the Discord to connect and he refused to do anything less than argue face to face.”

 

Dowoon smothered a laugh. “It’s hard to forget when you came storming into my room at 9:30 at night.”

 

“Is it weird that I think it’s sweet that he’d go through so much effort just so we could fight properly?” Wonpil asked between giggles.

 

“Shows he cares, that’s for sure.” He cuddles up to Wonpil. “How’s it going with the scarf?”

 

Wonpil groans and screws his eyes shut. “Please, let’s talk about anything but that. I had to get my sister to come rescue me last night, because I’d somehow tangled the string of my hoodie into it.”

 

He laughs until Wonpil charley horses him in the thigh so hard he tears up a little. Of course, Wonpil immediately feels bad and tries to massage the cramp out for him.

 

“Oh my god, stop, this is somehow even worse!” He bats Wonpil’s hands away and stretches his leg out in front of him, rubbing at the tingling muscles himself. “Your tiny fists pack such a giant punch.”

 

“I try.” Wonpil says, flipping imaginary hair over his shoulder. “Did you get Brian anything for Christmas?”

 

“Maybe,” He replies, used to Wonpil’s abrupt change in topics. “I ordered it online though, so I’m not sure if it’ll get to him in time.”

 

Dowoon’s always been a last-minute gift giver, too busy agonizing over what would be the perfect gift to really decide, and he’d only bought the present on Amazon the night before. It’s already midway through December and Dowoon doesn’t even have anyone to blame but himself.

 

“What did you buy him?”

 

“It’s a secret.”

 

“Oh, come on!” Wonpil whines, shaking Dowoon’s arm. “You know he’s going to tell Sungjin, and Sungjin’s going to tell me anyway!”

 

“Then you can wait for Sungjin go tell you.” Dowoon says, pushing back. “Stop that, you’re going to give me brain damage in addition to crippling me!”

 

“You’re right,” Wonpil cradles Dowoon’s head in his chest. “shaken baby syndrome isn’t a joke, I’m sorry.”

 

Of course, that means Dowoon has to fight back and the two of them end up roughhousing until Wonpil’s knee collides with the coffee table so firmly that Dowoon’s mom comes to investigate. They both get a firm talking to about how “they’re both young men now and they should act like it”. He turns red all the way up to his hairline while Wonpil nods along and looks appropriately chastised. Dowoon’s mom knows Wonpil though, so she just sighs knocks them both on the forehead and leaves them to their own devices. Dowoon rubs the red spot on his forehead and scowls at his best friend until Wonpil grins so widely at him that he goes a little cross-eyed.

 

“Smash Bros?”

 

“Only if I get to be Marth!”

 

All talk of Christmas presents is immediately forgotten in the mad scramble for the better Gamecube controller.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Brian:**   Dude

 **Brian:**   Did you buy me something??

 **Brian:**   There was a package waiting for me when I got home

 **Brian:**   If it’s not you, I’m going to have to assume it’s a bomb and call the police

 

 **Dowoon:**   Did you open it yet?

 

 **Brian:**   You still haven’t confirmed that it’s not a bomb, so no

 

 **Dowoon:**   I bought it for you, won’t confirm or deny whether or not it’s a bomb

 

 **Brian:**   Call?

 

The video comes through and Brian’s sitting at his computer chair, fat flakes of snow still stuck in his newly dyed silver hair and nose bright red.

 

“Did you just get home?” Dowoon asks, “You dry your hair or you’re going to get sick.”

 

“I’m fine,” Brian waves away his concern, digging in his pocket for his multi-tool. “can I open it now?”

 

“It’s not Christmas yet!” Dowoon insists.

 

“I just asked out of courtesy, I’m going to open it no matter what.” Brian says, flipping open the knife dramatically.

 

“I know you think that makes you look cool, but the blade of that thing is, like, shorter than my pinky.” Dowoon says, putting his chin on his hands as he watches Brian tear through the packaging. “It’d be like threatening someone with a toothpick.”

 

“I don’t need it to be threatening.” Brian says, brushing his hair out of his face. “My Resting Bitch Face does that for me already.”

 

“I want to say you’re fine, but you do look a little like you're contemplating murder in your neutral expression.”

 

“Why do you think I smile all the time?” He finally makes his way through the packaging and pulls out a beautifully embroidered guitar straps with geometric shapes in turquoise and red stacked up and down a white background. “Woah.”

 

“I mean, you’ve never really talked about it, but I’ve seen you guitar in the background of our calls and I thought it was pretty.” Dowoon knows he’s rambling, but he can’t stop. “I got your mailing address from Sungjin, I hope that was okay, and got him to check if the strap was going to be compatible with your guitar but if you don’t like it, that’s totally fine too, you can just throw it out.”

 

“Dowoon,” Brian runs his fingers along the fabric of it. “I love it. Thank you.”

 

“Oh, good.” He flushes with delight. “I wasn’t sure.”

 

Brian’s face falls. “I didn’t get you anything though…”

 

“That’s okay!” Dowoon rushes to reassure him, hates the seeing him sad. “I didn’t tell you I was getting you anything, and I really didn’t expect anything. I just really wanted to give you a surprise.”

 

“I’m plenty surprised all right. Give me a second, I’m gonna go put this on.” The bright grin is back and there’s some shuffling and strings twanging before he pops back onto the screen. “How’s it look?”

 

“Great.” Dowoon can’t stop smiling, feels a stab of possessiveness at the sight of Brian wearing something that he bought him. “You look great.”

 

_You look perfect._

 

* * *

 

 

February rolls around and with it, Wonpil’s sad mood. He’s always been the more romantic of the two of them and Sungjin being so far away has put him into mopey state. He spends a lot of time sighing and frowning at his phone. Dowoon tries his best to take his mind off things, brings him out to eat his favourite foods, buys him his favourite snacks, even bakes his favourite cookies with his mother for him. Honestly, Dowoon isn’t very good at comforting people beyond feeding them, but Wonpil doesn’t really seem to mind.

 

Valentine’s falls on a Wednesday and although Wonpil looks less blue since his morning phone call with Sungjin, he keeps looking longingly at the couples holding hands and trading kisses up and down the halls.

 

Up until last period when a very confused delivery man walks into the room with a giant vase of stargazer lilies in his arms. “Uh… Wonpil Kim?”

 

The entire classroom, history teacher included, turns their attention to Wonpil who hesitantly raises his hand. “Here, sir.”

 

“Sign here, please.”

 

The vase of flowers is so large that Wonpil’s almost hidden behind them. There’s an uncomfortable couple of seconds after the delivery man leaves where everyone just stares at Wonpil. Dowoon’s staring to turn as pink as the lilies from second-hand embarrassment when Nayeon lets out a huge whoop from her side of the classroom.

 

“Damn, Wonpil, get it!”

 

Some of their classmates laugh along, shout a couple encouraging things too, now that the tension’s broken and the teacher claps her hands together and asks them to please return their attention back to her. The flowers throw their scent around the room from where they’ve been placed under Wonpil’s desk and when he glances over during the lesson, he’s softly touching one of the petals, a goofy grin on his face. He can’t help but smile too.

 

“So, did he like them?” Brian looks like he’s vibrating on the other side of the screen. “Sungjin was out of there so quickly that I didn’t even get a chance to ask if Wonpil had texted yet.”

 

“Why didn’t you just message me?” He asked around a mouthful of crackers. “I could have told you. He pretty much shoved me out of the car when he was dropping me off.”

 

“We were set to video call tonight anyway, it could wait. So, did he like them?”

 

“Did you even really have to ask?” Dowoon laughs, covering his mouth to keep from spewing crumbs everywhere. “Stars in his eyes. I thought his face was going to crack in half with how hard he was smiling.”

 

“How about you? Any Valentine’s gifts from secret admirers?”

 

Dowoon actually scoffed. “No, funny guy.”

 

“I was being serious! I wanted to make sure my gift wouldn’t have any sort of competition.”

 

“Wait, what?” Dowoon knows he’s turning red. “You got me something?”

 

“Well, it isn’t something physical, but it is for you.” He disappears off-screen and when he comes back, he’s got his guitar, the strap that Dowoon bought him for Christmas over his shoulder. “Don’t laugh.”

 

Then he starts to play.

 

He doesn’t recognize the song that Brian’s playing, but it starts slow and crescendos as he comes up to the chorus. There’s an honesty and intensity to it that makes Dowoon’s heart race and his eyes water. He can’t tear himself away from the sight of Brian pouring his heart out to him through song. It makes Dowoon feel like he’s the one ripped open and bare. It makes him want to run and hide.

 

It’s quiet again and he realizes that Brian’s stopped singing. That he’s watching him with an open, vulnerable expression in his eyes. Dowoon tries his best to blink back the tears in his eyes. He tries his best to open his mouth, say something, tell Brian how lovely the song was, how he feels the same way, but he can’t seem to swallow past the lump in his throat. He only manages to nod frantically sniffling and rubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. Brian’s face lights up and he looks so incandescently happy that Dowoon starts crying even harder. He wishes so desperately that Brian was here with him.

 

“Anyway,” Brian’s voice cracks around the word as he strums another chord on his guitar. “here’s Wonderwall.”

 

Dowoon bursts into wet laughter and Brian starts laughing with him. He feels warm all over.

 

Later that night, his phone buzzes while he’s still playing over everything in his head.

 

 **Brian:**   Goodnight

 

 **Dowoon:**   Goodnight

 **Dowoon:**   I’d never heard that song from earlier before

 

 **Brian:**   Yeah I wrote it

 

 **Dowoon:**   You wrote it?!!

 

 **Brian:**   Yeah

 **Brian:**   I wrote it for you

 

He feels like he’s going to faint. He can hear Brian’s whisper in his ear.

 

_I wrote it for you._

 

 **Dowoon:**   It was beautiful. I loved it

 

 **Brian:**   Good

 

 **Dowoon:**   Thank you. It’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten

 

 **Brian:**   I’m seriously so happy right now, I don’t have the words

 

 **Dowoon:**   Wow, Brian Kang speechless. Never thought I’d see the day.

 

 **Brian:**   You make me that way all the time

 

 **Dowoon:**   If it wasn’t obvious, you had a similar effect

 

 **Brian:**   I’d look for a good meme or something to send you but I’ve really gotta go to bed

 **Brian:**   Goodnight Dowoon

 **Brian:**   Sweet dreams

 

 **Dowoon:**   Goodnight

 

They don’t talk about it again, but there’s a new undeniable spark to their interactions and Dowoon finds himself texting Brian things like “I miss you” and “I wish you were here” and feeling something in his chest ache when Brian says “me too”.

 

* * *

 

 

Summer can’t come soon enough.

 

The two hour car ride to camp feels like two of the longest hours of Dowoon’s life. He can’t stop wringing his hands and the knowing glances that Wonpil keeps shooting him doesn’t really help.

 

Wonpil sprints out of the car and throws himself at Sungjin the second that they’re parked. Sungjin catches him, takes a stumbling step back, and the two of them share a kiss like something out of a movie. His hands shake as he climbs out of the car and he tries to resist the urge to crane his head around looking for a familiar silver head of hair.

 

“Hey, you miss me?”

 

Dowoon jumps at the voice so close behind him and takes a deep steadying breath before spinning around so he and Brian are face to face. “Only a little.”

 

“A little?” The sun on Brian’s hair makes in glitter like snow.

 

“A little.” Dowoon repeats, “Can you help me carry our stuff to our cabin? I feel like Wonpil and Sungjin might be a little occupied.”

 

Brian grunts as he hoists Wonpil’s duffle bag and sleeping bag over his shoulders. They look broader than the last time Dowoon saw him. “I knew you only wanted me for my body.”

 

“I never claimed otherwise.”

 

“I’ll take those.” Sungjin and Wonpil come walking back to the car, hand in hand.

 

“One of the perks of having a boyfriend,” Wonpil says, handing him the duffle bag and holding the sleeping bag in his own arms. “I don’t have to lug all my junk around by myself anymore.”

 

“Oh, really? In that case, allow me.” Brian takes the duffle bag out of Dowoon’s hands.

 

Wonpil zeros in on Dowoon like a hawk and his jaw drops open when Dowoon hands over the bag without a fight, ears bright red. When Dowoon catches his eye and shrugs, Wonpil’s dumfounded expression instantly turns into one of complete and utter delight.

 

He grabs Dowoon’s arm in a death grip. “Double dates.”

 

Dowoon sighs and lets his best friend drag him along, Sungjin still tethered to his other side. “Double dates.”

 

They spend the day with the other couple, but after the sun dips behind the trees and all the usual campfire songs are finished, Wonpil and Sungjin disappear to god knows where. Just like the last night of last year’s camp, it’s only Dowoon and Brian around the main fire pit again, but this time they’re pressed together rather than seated a foot apart. There’s smoke floating around in the air again and the moon’s full and bright in the sky.

 

“I missed you.” Brian says, hesitantly taking Dowoon’s hand in his. “I missed you a lot.”

 

“I missed you too.”

 

There’s ash in Brian’s eyelashes and campfire casts shadows on his sharp features. He’s some sort of forest spirit come to life and Dowoon can’t look away from his mouth. So he leans forward and kisses him. Brian’s hand on the nape of his neck sends tingles running up and down his spine and his toes curl in his sneakers.

 

“Woah.” Brian’s pupils are blown wide and the corners of his mouth are already starting to tilt up in a smile. “That was unexpected.”

 

“A good sort of unexpected?” They’re still holding hands.

 

“The best kind.” Brian leans forward to kiss him again, quick and sweet this time.

 

Nights at the camp change. When Wonpil sneaks off to find Sungjin, Brian sneaks over to see Dowoon. He spends his nights outside, sleeping bags zipped together, and wrapped up in Brian’s arms. They get to have all the conversations that the used to have through screens face to face, and Dowoon gets to kiss him whenever he wants now. Sometimes, they fall asleep together and he wakes up in Brian’s arms with the sunrise spilling colours into the sky. Dowoon and Wonpil stay at the camp on the weekends now, and they get to go on hikes together, curl up in Dowoon’s bunk together. Brian turns nut brown in the sun and when they go swimming in the lake, he lets his eyes linger on the expanse of his back, curve of his biceps. When Brian catches him looking, he smiles, wiggles his eyebrows, and Dowoon smiles back and winks. It’s been the happiest summer of his life and he never, ever wants it to end.

 

As euphoric as it all is, Dowoon’s acutely aware that summer doesn’t last forever. Brian starts collage next year and Dowoon’s been here before. He can feel the excitement in Brian’s body when he tells him about the campus and the courses that his program offers, and how he and Sungjin have been approved to room together. And Dowoon just nods his head, presses himself more firmly against Brian.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Brain flips him over so they’re face to face. “You’re shaking, are you cold?”

 

“No.” Dowoon bites his lip and tries his best to maintain eye contact. “It’s just… collage.”

 

Brian’s mouth falls open in an ‘o’ of understanding and he leans forward and kisses Dowoon hard, tangles his fingers in his hair. “I’m not going to let something as stupid as six hours driving distance pull us away. Dowoon, I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you since you judo-flipped me into the lake after I jumped on your back.”

 

“I didn’t mean to, you startled me.” He’s sniffling a little and Brian wipes away the tears on his cheeks with his soft sweatshirt. “And I keep telling you, it’s not judo, my sister taught me from some self-defence class they offered in freshman year at her uni.”

 

“I should show you some wrestling moves or something. I don’t know how good they are for self-defence, but it’s pretty fun.”

 

Dowoon climbs on top of Brain, holding him down by the shoulders. “We could try a different type of wrestling?”

 

“The kids are inside the cabin and sound carries.” Brian says, but he pulls Dowoon down for a kiss anyway.

 

He pops back up and smiles. “We’d better be quiet then.”

 

It’s all over too soon.

 

Brian’s standing with him next to the car and it’s obvious they’re both trying not to cry. He has Dowoon’s baseball cap on his head and Dowoon’s wearing his wrestling hoodie, and he’s holding onto Brian like he’s the only thing keeping him together.

 

“Study hard, Woonie.” Brain says, kissing his forehead and pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt, running his fingers over his name embroidered on the back. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

 

He pulls Brian close again, breathes him in as he runs his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “Don’t forget about me.”

 

“Impossible.”

 

“Ready to go?” Wonpil’s eyes are all swollen, but he has a brave smile on his face too.

 

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Brian gives him one last lingering kiss. “I’ll call you.”

 

Dowoon watches him walk all the way back to Sungjin’s car and doesn’t look away until they’ve pulled out of the parking lot and Sungjin’s car is just a speck in the distance.

 

He and Wonpil climb into the car and just sit there for a couple moments in silence.

 

Wonpil looks over at him and cracks a smile. “You look ridiculous. Your eyes are so swollen, I’m surprised you can see.”

 

“You’re one to talk,” Dowoon shoots back, “have you caught sight of yourself in the mirror yet?”

 

“I’m actively avoiding it,” Wonpil admits, “I’ve put in eye-drops but I already know I’m going to have to take my contacts out when I get home.”

 

Wonpil puts on his playlist and pulls out of the parking lot. Dowoon leans his head against the cold window and tries his best not to cry again.

 

“Dowoonie?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can we hold hands?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Wonpil’s hand is softer, smaller, and feels different, but it’s familiar and comforting.

 

“Pil?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

"Gross."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the extra chapter, I got started and just couldn't stop. I promise number 3 will be the last one.
> 
> The guitar strap is [this](https://pm1.narvii.com/6914/9368320d8312b062bcf2d0067679fbdb454bcfb7r1-720-878v2_hq.jpg) one that Young K uses. I want one so badly, they're so freaking pretty.


	3. Chapter 3

 

“The bed’s cold.” Brian’s voice sounds raspy with sleep. “I wish you were here.”

 

“You said your room was the size of a generous broom closet, where would I even fit?” Dowoon chuckles, eyes dropping closed. “Tell me about your classes, is that one guy still interrupting the prof all the time?”

 

“Oh my god,” Brian instantly sounds more alert. “if I have to hear the words ‘it says in the syllabus’ one more time, I’m going to throw myself out the window. Swear to god. I don’t know where he even finds the energy at 8:00 a.m.”

 

“You holding up okay though? Limiting your ramen consumption to three days a week?”

 

“Yes, Mom.” Dowoon can see him rolling his eyes in his mind. “I should just conference call the two of you together so I don’t have to keep answering the same questions over and over again.”

 

“Listen, you little shit, I’m just trying to be a caring boyfriend.” He smothers a yawn in his pillow. “You bother me about my eating habits all the time.”

 

“You’re on the swim team!” Brian argues, “You need to eat more, you burn an insane amount of calories.”

 

“Speaking of sports, did you look into wrestling? How do you feel about it?”

 

“I signed up, but I don’t really know.” He sighs, “I’m worried that it’ll all be too overwhelming.”

 

“If you want to do it, I know you can.” Dowoon insists, “You’re the smartest, most determined person I know.”

 

“I appreciate that, but I only have so many hours in a day. Between school, the part time job I picked up, and wrestling, I’m worried I won’t have enough time…”

 

“For what? That’s pretty much everything except sleeping, and I know that’s not an option so much as a necessity for you.”

 

“Hey, sleep is a necessity for everyone! It’s important for growth and brain function!” Brian’s voice softens a little. “And I meant time for you, stupid.”

 

“Oh.” He warms with happiness. “I guess so.”

 

“No guessing about it, I need to make time for my man.” Brian yawns so loudly Dowoon hears his jaw crack. “Tell me about your day. How are classes going?”

 

“They’re going fine, I can already tell it’s going to be harder than last year, but that was expected. Just go to sleep, Brian, it’s late and I know you’re working before class tomorrow.”

 

It’s a testament to just how exhausted he is that Brian just says, “Okay. I love you, Dowoon.”

 

“I love you too, Brian Kang. Sweet dreams.”

 

“They’ll be sweeter if you show up in them.”

 

“I can’t control that.”

 

“I can hope though.”

 

“Go to sleep, Brian. I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

 

They only fight once. They bicker, get annoyed with each other over stupid things the way all couples do, but their one big fight scares them so badly that they both vow to better communicate in the future.

 

It starts with something stupid, a sweater that one of Brian’s classmates left in his room.

 

“What’s that?” Dowoon points to the white knit on his screen even though Brian can’t see it. “Did you buy a new sweater? What happened to swearing off white after the Sungjin Spaghetti incident?”

 

“Huh?” Brian turns around and grabs the sweater off the bed. “Oh, that’s not mine. I think Jake left it here last night by mistake.”

 

Dowoon’s immediately alert. “Who’s Jake?”

 

“Jake, from my Greek and Roman class? I could have sworn I mentioned him.” Brian’s still holding the sweater in his hands. It looks soft. “He’s a third year, so he offered to come over and help me with some of my geometry stuff.”

 

“You never mentioned him.” He insists, “I would have remembered if you mentioned someone named Jake.”

 

“Okay, relax,” Brian holds up a hand in surrender. “maybe you forgot after I told you.”

 

“I didn’t forget, I wouldn’t forget! I have a good memory, you’re always telling me how good my memory is!”

 

“I never said you didn’t have a good memory, I’m just saying you maybe forgot!” Brian looks more frustrated with him than he’s ever been before. He’s always been patient with Dowoon to the point of absurdity. “Why do you always have to be so stubborn? It’s like you can’t ever stand to be wrong.”

 

“That’s not true, I admit to being wrong all the time!” The only thing he can see is that stupid white sweater in Brian’s hands. “I’m just saying, there’s no way I would have forgotten something like you meeting a new friend. You never even told me you were having someone over last night! Is that why you never texted me back?”

 

“I told you, I had to study and then I just fell asleep!”

 

“That’s not what you said, you said you had Jake over!”

 

“God damn it, Dowoon, to study!” Brian throws the sweater onto the floor. “You’re being childish! Am I not allowed to have parts of my life that you’re not involved in? I can’t report back to you about every single moment of my day, you have to give me room to breathe!”

 

It’s like the breaking of a dam, Brian seems to be looking right through him. “You’re smothering me, Dowoon! You’re always asking me who I’ve been talking to, who’s in my classes, who I’m going out with that night, you might as well just put a body-cam on me and monitor my every waking moment!”

 

Both of them jump at the sound of someone knocking on Brian’s door.

 

“Uh, Bri?” Sungjin muffled voice falls flat, does nothing to cut the tension in the air. “I’m going to go grab something from the cafeteria.”

 

They sit in silence until they hear the sound of the front door closing behind Sungjin.

 

“I think we should just hang up now.” Brian won’t look at him and it feels like he’s twisting the knife in his chest. “Maybe when we’ve both calmed down we can try calling again.”

 

He refuses to respond, knows he’s being petulant, but the two of them hang up for the very first time without saying goodbye. It feels bitter, and this isn’t anything like what Dowoon wanted, all he can hear is Brian yelling that he’s smothering him in a tone that he’s never taken with Dowoon before. All he can see is the sweater on Brian’s bed. Someone else sitting on Brian’s bed. In Brian’s bed. He feels his stomach turn and barely makes it into the bathroom before he throws up into the toilet.

 

He tells his parents that he’s not feeling well and doesn’t eat dinner that night. He just lies in bed, eyes dry, as Brian’s words ring through his head.

 

The next school day is one of the most unproductive of his life. He tries his best to concentrate, but he’s so exhausted from having not slept the night before and he can’t stop thinking about Brian. Neither of them texted good morning or good night.

 

Wonpil notices immediately, but waits until lunch to corner him in the quad. It’s a chillier day, so it’s completely deserted outside and he’s thankful because he knows can already tell this is going to be an invasive conversation.

 

“Okay, you’ve been zoning out all day, and I didn’t want to bother you during class, but what’s wrong?”

 

Wonpil’s hands are on his hips and he’s trying to loom over Dowoon from where he’s sitting one of the benches. There’s a look of such sincere concern on his face that Dowoon feels his eyes start to water.The complete and utter shock on Wonpil’s face when he bursts into tears would have been hilarious if he weren’t crying so hard. They’re the type chest heaving sobs that he hasn’t cried since he was an actual child and the fact that he can’t even control his own body makes Dowoon cry even harder. Wonpil’s holding him tight against his chest and brushing his hair away from his face, but it still takes Dowoon several minutes to calm down enough to tell Wonpil what happened.

 

“He shouldn’t have said those things, and if he ever speaks to you that way again I’m gonna beat the soul out of him, but I’m gonna be honest, you were a little shit to him too.” Dowoon’s resting his head against Wonpil’s shoulder and he’s still stroking his hair, so it soothes the sting a little. “I’m not saying that it isn’t normal to feel jealous about the idea of someone you don’t know being able to spend time with Brian while you can’t, but you shouldn’t have taken your insecurity out on him like that.”

 

“I know,” His nose is all stuffed up and eyes are all swollen. “I just couldn’t help it. I feel so guilty, but I’m scared that the next thing I hear from him is going to be ‘we should break up’.”

 

“He’s not going to break up with you, you had a fight, all couples fight. Remember that time that Sungjin got upset with me because I didn’t save my last piece of gum for him like I said I would?”

 

Dowoon lets out a wet laugh. “Yeah.” He sits up straighter and tries his best to imitate the signature rasp in Sungjin’s voice. “It’s the principle of the thing! You said you would, so you have to! I would have saved you my last piece!”

 

Wonpil starts laughing too. “You sound vaguely like Yugyeom with a sore throat.”

 

“I can’t tell if that’s rude or hilarious.”

 

“Can’t it be both?” Wonpil pulls Dowoon’s scarf tighter around him. “You need to apologize.”

 

“I know.” His voice is small and scared and he hates it. “I’m scared.”

 

“I know.” Wonpil kisses him on the forehead. “No matter what, you’re going to be okay.”

 

“I don’t just want to be okay though, I want Brian.” Dowoon starts tearing up again and he rubs aggressively at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “I don’t want to break up.”

 

“Then tell him that.” Wonpil shoves a packet of tissues at him. “And stop crying, you’re going to make me cry.”

 

“I’m surprised you haven’t yet.”

 

“There’s still an entire afternoon to survive, I have to stay pretty.”

 

Dowoon puts off talking to Brian until he’s already brushed his teeth and gotten ready for bed. He’s sitting in bed, chewing his lip, before he sends off the text (secretly hopes that Brian’s already asleep).

 

 **Dowoon:**   Are you awake?

 

 **Brian:**   Yeah.

 **Brian:**   We should talk.

 

His heart drops and he swallows hard.

 

 _Whatever happens,_ He thinks to himself as he waits for the video call to connect. _I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to let him know how much he hurt me._

 

Brian’s hair is ruffed like he’d been taking a nap and Dowoon can see that he’s sitting against the wall in his bed. He catches a glimpse of the picture Jaebum took of the two of them during the last summer camp out of the corner of the screen and he feels his eyes start to water.

 

“Hey,” Brian’s voice is steady and it makes Dowoon feel even more emotional. “I don’t have to work tomorrow, so we should really talk this through.”

 

He nods and opens his mouth to apologize and immediately bursts into hysterical tears. He knows Brian’s saying something in the background of his call, but he can’t hear him over the sound of his own crying. Thankfully his parents are out on their weekly date night, or his mother would have burst in to investigate all the noise already. Dowoon cries so hard he just ends up with his knees to his chest, trying his best to keep from hyperventilating.

 

“Dowoon? Dowoon?!” Brian sounds frantic and Dowoon calms himself enough to pick up the phone again, but carefully points it away from his face. “Dowoon, if you don’t answer me soon, I’m calling Wonpil. Dowoon?!”

 

“I’m okay.” His voice sounds horse and his nose is so stuffed from all the crying he’s done today, Dowoon’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to breathe through it again. “I’m fine.”

 

Brian actually flinches when Dowoon’s face comes back onto the screen. “Jesus, Dowoon…”

 

“Stop,” Dowoon interrupts, and he knows it’s rude, but he’s just so tired. “if you’re going to dump me, just do it already so I can go wash my face and try and go to sleep.”

 

Brian looks like he’s been slapped. “You want to break up?”

 

“No, but you said that we needed to talk, so I assume that’s where this is going.” His head’s starting to hurt. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry that I was so insecure and unreasonable about Jake. I just miss you and the distance between us just seemed bigger than ever. I know it doesn’t really matter now, but I am sorry.”

 

“I understand, I just wish you’d told me instead of bottling it all up.” He shifts against the wall. “And I don’t want to break up, but it freaks me out that that’s the first place your brain went.”

 

He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean the things I said, they were awful, and in that moment, I just wanted to hurt you. It’s not an excuse, but I’ve been under so much stress lately and I just reacted. I don’t want to give up on this, I still love you. I can’t say if it’ll get any easier, but if you can forgive me, I want to stay with you.”

 

Dowoon’s all cried up, so he just manages to croak out, “Okay.”

 

“Okay.” The more he looks at Brian, the more he can see the deep dark circles under his eyes and the exhausted slump to his shoulders. “I love you, Dowoon.”

 

The words sound new on his lips. Somehow it’s different from every time he’s screamed it from the literal mountaintops while they were hiking together at camp, or when his tinny voice whispered it into Dowoon’s ear from miles away through his headphones. It felt heavier, a thick blanket around his shoulders.

 

“I love you too, Brian.”

 

He smiles a little and, even with his eyes swollen shut and his nose bright red, Brian smiles back.

 

* * *

 

 

It isn’t as though everything’s magically fixed. Dowoon still worries about Brian leaving him behind, and Brian still stresses and overworks himself to the point of snapping, but they know how to deal with it now. When Dowoon gets that look on his face, Brian tells him he loves him. That he misses him and that he’s counting down the days again. When Brian starts to fall asleep mid-call and his sentences start dropping off in the middle, Dowoon gently reminds him that he’ll still be there in the morning. That he loves him dearly and that he needs to take care of himself.

 

It isn’t perfect (what is?), but it feels right and Dowoon feels himself bloom.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s always known he wanted to work with children in some capacity and it’s when he’s lying in bed one night, listening to one of the playlists that Brian sent him, that something clicks in his mind.

 

“What would you say if I told you I wanted to be a teacher?”

 

“Hm?” Brian looks up from his homework and Dowoon flips over to better face his laptop screen. “You’d be a good teacher. The kids at camp always loved you.”

 

“You think it’d be a good idea?”

 

He feels a little childish, but Brian breaks into a wide grin. “I think it’s a great idea.”

 

“I don’t hate the sound of Mr. Yoon.”

 

Brian’s grin turns sly. “How about Mr. Kang?”

 

Dowoon feels his face immediately burst into flame. “Why would I take your last name? Why can’t you take mine? Why does anyone have to change their last name?”

 

“I don’t know, I just thought I’d throw it out there. Brian Yoon is kind of nice too.” He taps his pen against his lip. “Maybe we could hyphenate? Brian Kang-Yoon. Okay, that’s too much of a mouthful.”

 

“You’re being silly.”

 

“Seriously though, it’d be easier if we had the same last name.” Brian says, “Think about the children.”

 

“Do your homework.”

 

Brian holds up his hands in surrender and turns back to his tax homework, smile still on his face. Dowoon makes sure that he’s fully concentrated on his homework before mouthing out “Brian Yoon”. It makes the possessive little creature in him preen. He likes the sound of it.

 

* * *

 

 

As finals approach, Dowoon and Wonpil start to feel the pressure mount. The lower the temperature outside drops, the crazier Wonpil seems to get. Their final grades will weigh heavily on if they get into their university of choice or not. If they get into university with Sungjin and Brian or not. It's a good institution with a highly regarded education program, but Dowoon would be lying if he didn’t say that Brian being there was an equally big draw. He desperately wanted to be able to see him in person again. To be able to hold his hand, kiss his lips, fall asleep side by side. 

 

Wonpil’s really starting to panic though. He was thrilled to hear that Dowoon had decided what faculty he wanted to enter, but Wonpil has no idea. The idea of being a classical pianist is equally appealing as going into counselling. It never seemed like a problem at the time, but Wonpil's too smart. He's good at everything and anything he puts his mind to and the multitude of possibilities and opportunities, the pressure to pick the _absolute best one,_ is starting to drive him insane. He's tenser than a bow-string.

 

Wonpil’s sitting in Dowoon’s bed, hogging all the blankets, when the front door rings.

 

“I’m going to go get that.” Dowoon says, “You stay here.”

 

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Wonpil’s completely engrossed in the video playing on Dowoon’s laptop. “Can you grab me a glass of water while you’re gone?”

 

Dowoon rolls his eyes and sprints as quickly down the stairs as is safe. When he flings open the door, Sungjin and Brian are waiting on the other side. He throws himself at Brian and is surprised when he finds that he doesn’t have to reach as high to wrap his arms around his shoulders. They exchange a kiss and break apart so Dowoon can give Sungjin a quick side-hug.

 

“He’s watching Queer Eye,” Dowoon whispers as he leads the two of them to his room. “he still has no idea you guys are here.”

 

“Thanks again for helping set this up, Dowoon.” Sungjin says, patting him on the back. “I couldn’t have planned this without you.”

 

“Wonpil deserves a nice surprise, he's about to lose his mind. Besides,” He grins back at them as the go up the stairs towards his room. "his stress is contagious, he's going to start driving me crazy soon."

 

Sungjin laughs, nods in understanding.

 

“Who was at the door?” Wonpil asks, sticking his hand out behind him for his cup of water.

 

Sungjin slips his hand into Wonpil’s. “Me.”

 

He startles so badly, he almost falls over, as wrapped up as he is in the blankets. “Sungjin! Woah!”

 

He, Brian, and Dowoon all laugh. “Surprise.”

 

Wonpil quickly untangles himself and launches himself at Sungjin, buries his face into his shoulder. Wonpil’s shoulders start shaking and then he’s crying and crying and crying. Brian looks alarmed, but Dowoon just grabs him by the hand and pulls him out of the room. This has been building up for months and when he looks behind him to close the door, he can see Sungjin smiling softly down at Wonpil, wiping at the tears still streaming down his face.

 

“Well, shit.” Brian says as the two of them stand in the living room together. “What now?”

 

“We’ve probably got an hour to kill before Sungjin calms Wonpil down and they finish making out.” Dowoon rubs his thumb across the back of Brian’s hand. He has to tilt down a little to kiss Brian’s lips now and it’s sort of a novelty. He’s never kissed anyone shorter than him before. “Do you wanna see my treehouse?”

 

“Is that an innuendo?”

 

Dowoon rolls his eyes, grabs a blanket off the couch and his jacket, and takes Brian by the hand. “Come on, you doofus.”

 

The treehouse is honestly too small for both of them to fit comfortably, so Dowoon ends up pretty much in Brian’s lap, but neither of them really seem to mind. Brian pulls the blanket tight around the two of them and presses his face into the crook of Dowoon’s neck.

 

“It’s way less cramped when Wonpil and I come up here.”

 

“Are you calling me fat?” Brian asks, digging his fingers into Dowoon’s sides. “I’m not fat, I’m well-muscled.”

 

Dowoon lets out an involuntary shriek. “No tickling! I swear, I’ll jump out this window if I have to.”

 

“Okay, okay!” Brian laughs and wraps his arms tighter around him. “We were just reunited and you’re already trying to get away from me.”

 

“Cosmo magazine tells me that men like the chase.”

 

Brian snorts and shoves Dowoon in the shoulder. “You’ve probably never seen a real issue of Cosmo in your life.”

 

“Not true, Noona used to read them.” Dowoon laughs, “Mom thought they were ridiculous and she used to read them in the living room and mock the articles.”

 

They share a moment of comfortable silence before Brian’s stomach growls against Dowoon’s back, causing him to burst into laughter.

 

“Okay, message received, let’s go get something to eat.”

 

“Sungjin has the car keys, is there anywhere within walking distance?” Brian asks as he crawls down the ladder.

 

“There’s a really good ice cream place maybe five minutes from here, how’s that sound?”

 

“In the dead of winter?”

 

“Yeah, problem?”

 

He’s a couple feet from the bottom of the ladder when strong arms wrap around his middle and lift him down the rest of the way. Brian kisses the back of his neck and he turns around to capture his lips instead. He tangles his fingers into Brian’s hair, longer than last he saw him, and relishes the feeling of stubble against his face.

 

Brian’s smiling when they separate. “Sounds perfect.”

 

The ice cream parlor’s surprisingly packed for a winter day and when Dowoon comes out from using the bathroom, Brian’s nowhere to be seen. He’s in the middle of sending him a text when someone calls his name.

 

“Dowoon?”

 

Jae looks the same, but different. His hair’s still the same sunny blond as the last time Dowoon saw him, but it’s even longer, falling into his eyes, and his glasses are a different shape. He’s wearing the ice cream parlor’s apron and Dowoon had no idea that he’d gotten a part-time job here, or he’d have never come. He doesn’t have to tilt his head up as much too look him in the eye anymore.

 

“Oh, hi.”

 

“Hi. It’s been a while.”

 

“It has.” His grip tightens on his phone.

 

Jae’s smile is as bright as he remembered. “You look good, all grown up now, huh?”

 

 _What happened? How have you been? Why didn’t you come see me that night?_ The words stick in Dowoon’s throat and he just smiles a little and shrugs a little uncomfortably. “I suppose so.”

 

His phone rings and startles Dowoon enough that he jumps a little. “Excuse me,” He turns away from Jae a little. “Hello?”

 

“Woonie, where are you? It got too crowded, so I'm waiting outside. I got pistachio and chocolate, which one do you want?”

 

“Does it really matter, I know you’ll end up stealing mine anyway.” He laughs, “Just eat whichever one you want, we can share.”

 

“Okay, I’m by the bookstore, take your time.”

 

“You’re only saying that so that you can monopolize both cones.”

 

“Oh, what’s that? Sorry, the connection’s really bad, you’re breaking up.” Brian mimics white noise with his mouth and immediately hangs up.

 

Dowoon’s still grinning when he puts his phone back into his pocket.

 

“Woonie?” Jae says, “Really?”

 

Dowoon smiles and nods without a trace of embarrassment. “Really.”

 

Resignation settles onto Jae’s face, he’s biting his bottom lip. “You’re happy?”

 

“I am.” He answers firmly. “It took a while, but I’m really happy.”

 

“Good, I’m glad.”

 

Dowoon takes a deep breath. “It was good to see you, Jae.” He’s a little surprised to find that he means it. “You take care of yourself.”

 

“Wait.” Jae raises his hand like’s going to reach out and touch Dowoon before he lets it drop back to his side. His Adam’s apple bobs. “Jaehyung.”

 

A twinge of something like hurt, more like anger, punches Dowoon in the gut. He opens his mouth to cuss Jae out, really give him a piece of his mind when he hears tapping on the glass behind him. He turns around and Brian’s standing on the other side, cheeks slightly pink from the cold, hair a mess from when he’d fallen asleep in the car on the way to town, ice cream slowly melting down the cones because somehow his hands are always hotter than a furnace.

 

All the anger drains from him. He reaches out and give Jae’s shoulder one last squeeze. “Bye, Jae. Be well.”

 

He’s blinking rapidly, but smiles back. “Bye, Dowoon.”

 

Brian’s in a panic by the time Dowoon reaches him. There’s ice cream all over both his hands and he’s frantically licking at both of the cones. Dowoon takes the chocolate one from his sticky fingers and kisses him on the cheek.

 

Brian smiles. “What was that for?”

 

Dowoon takes Brian’s hand in his, ignoring his protests that Dowoon’s hands will get messy too. “I love you, Brian Kang.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Dowoon squeezes his hand, Brian squeezes back.

 

“Dowoon Kang?”

 

“Brian Yoon.” He insists, pulling Brian away from the ice cream parlor.

 

“Maybe we could be one of those couples who mash their last names together?”

 

“Ew, no.” Dowoon wrinkles his nose, leads Brian back in the direction of home. “How would that even work?”

 

“Koon? Yang? Yang’s a legitimate last name.”

 

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t really be either of our last names.”

 

“It could be.”

 

They walk in silence, through the neighbourhood where Dowoon grew up. Brian’s hand is sticky and warm in his, and it’s honestly pretty gross, but he doesn’t let go. They sit together in his backyard, under the treehouse in the cold grass.

 

“I, maybe, could get used to it.” He says quietly. Brian tilts his head to the side. “Dowoon Kang? Maybe I could get used to it in a couple of years.”

 

Brian’s smile is like sunlight off the snow. “Really?”

 

“Yeah. You’ve gotta give me some time, but I think maybe I could get used to it.” Dowoon’s face is on fire, but he’s smiling too. “Only if you consider Brian Yoon too!”

 

“It doesn’t sound good! And Younghyun Yoon is even worse, that’s just too many y’s!”

 

“It’s like a superhero name, it could be cool!” Dowoon laughs.

 

“I’m sure I can make Dowoon Kang grow on you,” Brian says, “we have lots of time.”

 

“All the time in the world.” Dowoon agrees.

 

They kiss and although Brian’s lips are cold, his mouth is warm and sweet.

 

“Hey, love-birds,” They jump at the sound of Wonpil’s voice coming from the backdoor. “Sungjin’s hungry. Do we wanna bring them to the shawarma place on 14th?”

 

“Sure,” Dowoon nods and lets Brian help him up off the ground. “we have to wash our hands though. Ice cream’s sticky.”

 

Brian goes into the house first, and Wonpil grabs Dowoon by the arm before he can follow him back up to his room.

 

“Did you go to the place down the street?” Wonpil looks worried when Dowoon nods. “You saw Jae?”

 

“Yeah, why didn’t you tell me he was working there?”

 

“I only found out last week, and I’ve been so pre-occupied with all the school stuff that it completely slipped my mind. I’m so sorry.” He squeezes his arm a little tighter. “Are you okay? If I need to cut a bitch, I will.”

 

“I’m okay.” There’s no weight to it, it’s an easy and honest truth. “I think I’ve been okay for longer than I thought.”

 

Wonpil smiles, wide and guileless. “Good. Well, I guess you don’t really need me anymore now that you have Brian, but if you ever wanna talk, I’m here.”

 

Dowoon grabs Wonpil’s hand. “I’m always going to need you, Pillie.”

 

His eyes look a little watery. “Gross.”

 

“I love you, Wonpil.”

 

“I love you too, Dowoon.”

 

“Wow,” Sungjin comes down the stairs, Brian close behind him. “we’re gone for five minutes and we’ve already been replaced.”

 

“Please, if anything, you’re the interlopers.” Wonpil laughs, throwing an arm over Dowoon’s shoulders. “We were together first.”

 

“Lucky me that you have a big enough heart for the both of us then.” Sungjin pulls Wonpil over to him and kisses him soundly.

 

“Ugh,” Brian wraps Dowoon in his arms. “we’re never going to get to eat, are we?”

 

Dowoon laughs and turns to kiss Brian. “You literally just ate.”

 

“Ice cream isn’t real food.” He protests, “I’m a growing boy. I need sustenance.”

 

“What, my love isn’t enough?”

 

“Love’s a zero-calorie treat.”

 

He reaches for Dowoon’s hand, but he pulls away. “My hand’s still dirty.”

 

“The magic of indoor plumbing means that I can wash mine again.” Brian’s hand is as warm as ever. “I just want to be close to you.”

 

He pulls him in for another kiss and Dowoon realizes that’s all he really wants too. Sungjin and Wonpil laugh at something five feet away (a million miles away) and he’s never felt so thankful for anything in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me the whole way through this. It means more to me than you could ever know.

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/everywinter1)/[Tumblr](https://everywinter.tumblr.com/)/[CC](https://curiouscat.me/everywinter)


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